Confusing bounderies

This is something that ties into some of my insecurities.

I never really got the whole obsession with famous people, or why the fact being famous makes them apparently more attractive.

Take people in bands for example...They chose music as their career, playing those songs is their job. The fact they got famous means they are good at their job. That's basically the whole of it.

Now comes the confusing part. Majority of couples seem fine with the other person having a crush on their favourite musician/Thespian/athlete etc. HOWEVER. They are just people that are good at their job. Why does that make it any more acceptable that someone in a committed relationship, has eyes for someone else, and openly talks about it.
I am very good at my job, does that mean that its fine for peoples girlfriends to get all gooey eyed over me? Admittedly, it doesn't stop them, but no, it doesn't make it fine. I'd be lynched for that happening!

Grrr. A lot of the time, I REALLY hate how stupid the inhabitants are of this planet. Enough with the double standards already!

At my limits

I am no stranger to graft.
Ever since my first job I have worked on my feet, always a job with demands, plenty of moving, lifting, running around, and the whole time having to put a smile on my face for customers. This week however, this week is killing me.

Ok so I know there are people with much more demanding positions than me, but being the go-to guy on the busiest (and yet most unorganised) department at work is taking its toll. Usually even the managers get two days off a week, I have just finished day 10 of a 12 day stint and its nearly killing me.
I know, I know, 12 days, oooh as if its going to kill me. However, during that time I have also had to work every shift of our biggest sale of the year, chase around after supplies for us, seeing as I am the only person able to find things, and generally fill up, re-merchandise, ticket, sales support and look after the temps.

I really am starting to run on empty. Just two days. Just two days.


Which may very well kill me.

The genocide of millions

Millions of innocent people murdered. Slaughtered in their own homes, no distinguishing between man, woman, child, elderly. No mercy, just killing like you would swat a fly out of your face.

This is Reach. The story of the fall of the human colony at the hands of the brutal Covenant.
Yes, its a game, no I haven't played it yet. This is a game that has me truly moved and excited, and not just in a fan boy manner either.
My inability to sometimes distinguish the lines between fantasy and reality are both a blessing and a curse. In this instance I can't decide.
While many will enjoy this game and be moved by the story line and the fact the game is portrayed as a memorial to a fictional fallen planet, that isn't what I'm going to get out of this. To me, these are real people, real lives, real families torn apart with no warning, no feeling of guilt. All because we are different and stand in the way.

Every time I see the advert for the game I get the type of feeling most get when looking at something sad or remembering lost opportunity.
This is only because when I do finally get it, every battle I fight, every enemy I slay will be one more life saved, one more family given a chance.

To me, these are real lives.

To me, this IS Reach.

Re-enforced heirachy

I was walking around work today, attempting to avoid doing the very thing I am supposed to be doing, working of course. I happened to notice one of those two tier buggies that are popular for people with twins. The style where one child is above the other, it started me thinking about how do you choose which child goes on the top and which the bottom.
Is it based on which child behaves the most? Surely that would be a negative re-enforcement for the one on the bottom, they are ignored and therefor misbehave more.
Or is it based on health?
That choice could go either way. The sickly child on top means that surely they are rewarding the child for being ill, and the healthier child is placed on the bottom, creating a mind set for later in life that it is a negative to be healthy.
Or would it be a more ancient Greek choice of reward those that are healthy and ignore those that are not, which, to be honest, it rather frowned upon in our society.

Hmm, rather an unusual blog to make after not posting in a while, but then, this is somewhere for my unusual thoughts and venting.

I'd almost missed this..

That very peculiar feeling you get with a weak hangover, not one which can knock you for six, but when you feel groggy and just not quite right.
Obviously I haven't had much money lately, but what with me being out last night to celebrate pay day, it seems I'm going to be making the most of this month in at least one way. Partying.

Everyone else that I encounter seems to be having the same idea too, there tends to be a more fun aura about the city, one which has people trying new places and new experiences. It's enjoyable and oddly contagious too!

I do need to work on my drunken impulses though. Far too often last night I had to mentally shake myself because I had drank too much and realised I was dancing like a fool!
Was really fun to be out with the people I was though, not many of my several groups are really into going to places and dancing and having fun. Before this last week my nights out had become rather boring and set in routine, this recent change is nice.


Now all I need to do is to get over how rediculusly shy I become when it comes to chatting up girls. It's the most peculiar thing, I am a very confident person, I walk the walk, talk the talk, know most people in any given situation and hell, half the girls I know I have no trouble talking to. HOWEVER! The instant that I find someone in a club or just wherever that interests me I turn into a nervous wreck.
It's unnerving to suddenly be that aware of your body, and that clueless about how to proceed. Needless to say it's not helping my dry spell.

Oh well, something to work on I think.

If only wish lists were real

You know what I am really missing of late? Camaraderie.
Now don't get me wrong, I have some fantastic friends, some truly amazing friends, and some that i just like to get drunk with. What I really truly miss, and I guess never really had, is a group of friends who I can just be around all the time. So many other people I know are having day trips, or going for random meals, or just spending the day around a group of people and it's there every day thing, their norm. My norm consists more of sitting on my ass all day refreshing Facebook, logging onto my Xbox live account to shoot something, rinse, repeat. The joy.

I understand that a lot of people have prior commitments to other friends and tasks at hand, but why must I always be left in the dark. I'm free for most the time, I get on with most of my close friends other friends, would it be so difficult to invite me along now and then, or is that just me being annoying and self centered?

I don't really get to see many people at the moment. Once upon a time I was the person to know, I was THAT guy, the one with his finger in every social group, the one to invite if you wanted everyone else there. I'm confused as to what happened. suddenly I'm the one that's there, and is fun, but it doesn't really matter if I am or not. Now THAT is me being a bit selfish, but who isn't? Who doesn't like to feel wanted, nay, needed sometimes?

I have this guy, he is always saying he is like a brother to me, and credit to him, in his own way, he has been there for me, he kinda has this emotional bond to me that no one else gets from him. However, the rest of the time, he just treats me like dirt. That's not the kind of thing I want either!

Now, I had written a whole lot more to this, but my computer crashed and didn't save all of it. So this will do for now, most likely until another thought hits me later tonight.

Ho hum

Recently I moved back into my parents place. It's certainly different than I remember, despite only having been moved out for 6 months.
It's somewhat surprising how much I can tell I've developed in even that short period of time. My attitude towards saving/spending money is a lot more controlled, I'm cleaner, my appetite has grown (quite a scary thought considering how much I ate to begin with) but at the same time I have developed a few odd habits. For example, now at night I constantly check all the doors and windows, even if I know for a fact they are locked.

Now don't get me wrong, I absolutely love this place, being back with the parents is fantastic, I get a lot of freedom most wouldn't, and the relationship I have with my mum and her partner is very similar to that which you have with your oldest friend. The downside of course, being that it isn't my space anymore. I can't just invite people over to mooch around, I can't have girls over to stay, people cant just randomly crash after a night out. It's a strange trade off that while having me be a little more mature and also healthy with my eating, is rubbing off on how social I am feeling.
Not to mention it's a bitch of a walk to get back home after a night out! Jesus Christ, that steep hill doesn't half take it out of you after a night of running around a club. Especially when you aren't used to it.

I'm sure this is all just me whinging and moaning, but it's taking some adjusting and it was nice to get this out of my head and onto somewhere that I can no doubt look back at a couple of months from now and regret typing.
I really do rant about some rubbish don't I.